Wednesday, November 10, 2004

The Other Side of Tears.

Everything has another side, even the walls that seem so high and endless...

Yesterday was a day when I had thought this is it; it is impossible to be happy after this point. I gave myself to the darkness that surrounded me. I thought I could mingle in it now that the past, present and future all seemed dark - as dark as the darkness itself. I broke down into a torrent which knew no bounds. I cried until I was the tears and tears were me. Heaving, sighing, breathing, choking and crying again, I let my pain engulf me into the abyss until my mind and body was an expression of its power.

But submission is not conquering and the pain is a flighty Prince. Before I could catch his hand, he rode away on his dark horse leaving me behind - alone and empty. I had thought that, at least, this pain was permanent, all permeable, all powerful and I had found something that could be my companion for life. At one point it even seemed heroic, romantic to face the sorrow in full. But as he went he swept away everything - all the bitterness, the helplessness, the frustration, the expectations, the anger, the supposed happiness and even hope - everything that I thought was me. I was left with a void - a numb, steely lack of emotion like the darkness that he left behind as a parting gift.

I thought this was the state I was now consigned to be in but that's when a glimmer of sunshine tore through the night and I was taken aback. I had expected no such thing in the dry and desolate land that I thought I was in. Some part of my mind had played truant. Throughout all this drama, it had stayed unscathed, serene, ardent, positive and full of faith. As the tumult died down an the dust settled, a little seed took to the ground with a fierce passion for life. It needed nothing to burst to life. Only an unshakeable ardent faith sustained it. No concoction of expectations, duties, obligations, traditions, ambitions - all that is supposed to make us grow - was needed to fertilize its soil.

Soon it caught the sunshine and pulled the warmth towards it. How this fragile thing had power to beckon the sun, I don't know. But now my mind witnesses the dance of a plant fed by the sunshine and the sunshine sustained by the plant.

1 comment:

  1. overwhelming and superbly positive! keep such thoughts coming. :)