Thursday, February 15, 2007

Of Life and Death

So here I am, back again, admittedly, after a long, long time since I did any sensible writing.
Life has changed a lot during this time. First, there was the news of Ammi's death and coinciding that, a new revelation - the awareness of a new life growing inside me.

So this is what living is about, bracing death and embracing life! As Ammi's memories fade, the anticipation of this new life inside me grows. Each day I metamorphose from a young woman to a mature woman and I find out what motherhood is all about. It is not for nothing that women crave for motherhood to the point of becoming obsessed and insane. To an extent, I was all that myself.

As I prepare for motherhood, I discover things within me which I never thought were present - patience, forbearance and an ability to give unbounded and unconditional love. I seem to be in love with everything and everyone in sight. There are times when I feel I am a mother to the entire world. I can forgive anything. I cherish everything. Each day dawns with an edge of lustrous hope and ends with a nurturing coolness.

There is something new every day - the awareness of the tummy growing just a bit, tiny swishing movements in the womb, appreciating the lustre of the skin and if nothing else, admiring the beauty of my shapeless body and dreaming about a shapely future.

It's not entirely glorious for dark clouds of fear hang somewhere on the horizon. Will everything be all right? Will the baby be safe and healthy? Will I be able to face the challenges life will pose? Will he inherit the problems in my life or will he carve his own future in the soft darkness of time?

But then this is what it is all about, right? After death came life, after darkness came light, after winter came the spring. The living will have to go on, rising on the cadence to the crests and falling to the depths of the troughs, only to rise back again and again. The game will go on until the players are there and once its time for one of the players to go, a new tiny player will be born to take on the mantle.

The saga of life and death will continue to the end of the time.