Now when I wear my saintly mask
You see in me the evil

When I had worn my evil
You said I was a saint

Who is right and who went wrong
What is held and what is lost

Ho do you in your world
Measure friends and foes

How do you in your saneness
Make sense of us insanes

I never claimed I was good
I have always been one lost

But you who has found your way
Why should you grope in the dark?

Hibernation

Going away for a while... But will come back, I promise!
Come back as a changed woman? Maybe...

Stay tuned!!

Queen of Solitude

The plug has been pulled. The last of the vapid murmur has ceased. I recline in the chair, exhausted, alone. Me - the queen of solitude. The darkness engulfs me like an old, trusted friend. I welcome it with a smile. It has served me well - this darkness. It is one thing that has never betrayed me in my life.

Blessed be this stupor that hangs like a thick fog on my mind. It is intoxicating! I feel like I am back in the womb, curling snugly in the faceless warmth. The questions, the answers, the mindless struggles, all seem to be so far away.

Some day, the rays of light will burn holes in my skin. Some day, the questions will drive a nail through my heart.

But not now. Nothing can touch me now. All that ever touched my heart, I have successfully dispatched far away. Nothing is mine anymore - neither the happiness, nor the sorrow, nor the ones whom I loved and who, perhaps, loved me back. I have turned them away. I ran away from them or made them run. All those things I fought for, I blew them in the air. The masks I wore have been thrown away. Even that old skin has been shed!

Will I ever be missed?

I don't care anymore and, in time, they won't either! That's okay I guess. Or maybe, that is what I want - to vanish from memories, to be obliterated from lives, to be as if I have never existed. I hope all that I went through earned me the death of anonymity.

Who has won this stupid game? If not me, then who cries in triumph?

The silence of total surrender, resonates in my solitude.

Lekin

Hearing Lekin for the thousandth time!! Why did Lata Mangeshkar continue to sing commercially after this!!??

Can anyone in this world, including her, ever beat Lekin???

Chasms

If you fail to see me
The way I want to be seen
Should I not just go
Away from you?

Its not in shame that I hide
Neither is it in regret
It is just that I choose not to
Accept the winds of change

The change was not your doing
Neither was it mine
It came just as was planned
It destroyed what it should

Now what's the point in holding
The carcass of illusions
The things that were never there
The invisible words I read?

I know no middle ground
Not between you and me
I prefer the world of chasms
With you or alone, across

I retrace my footsteps
And find the same corners
Where the same questions
Stare at me agape
Then there are some new ones
Which I now bring back
And the quest haunts me
Some more
Where did I go and why?
How long have I been away?
Nothing has changed
Yet nothing is the same
The girl that went away
Is so much different
Than the woman who came back

Flames

He lauded her
For dousing the flames
Once again

She asked him what
She should do with those
That remain

He let go of her hands
And walked away
Smiling

She stayed behind
And saw their shadows
Burning